Conquering My Suicide Struggle


Conquering My Suicide Struggle

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This is something I wrote about my suicide struggle and shared on my own personal Facebook Page. Since no one can see this except for people very close to me, I am sharing it here.

I see on Twitter that, World Suicide Prevention Day is trending and so I’m sharing this in hopes that it helps others.

Too many times people will pass along memes, happy thoughts, and other things when in reality, most of that does not work. In these moments of a suicide struggle, you need genuineness and authenticity and support without judgment.

Here is what I shared on my Facebook Page about my recent suicide struggle.

From Facebook

Recently I went through a very rough time. Some events and situations had triggered me so badly back to some horrible experiences. The house fire across the street and my new kitten getting hurt made those memories worse.

It felt like there was no way out and anxiety attacks increased significantly. Depression was hitting me so hard that I was struggling to keep going. I have not been at this place for many years and it got very bad for me. Sleep was almost nonexistent because I couldn’t shut my eyes in the dark. I had so much back and leg pain that some days it was getting difficult to walk. There were other physical things happening.

My Suicide Struggle Raged On In My Mind

So just before the hurricane came through, I contacted Dr. Canali in Miami and made a last-minute trip there. Even though I trust him, it was very difficult for me to allow him to touch me. Sitting in his waiting room, I almost passed out from anxiety.

After that session that day, I walked out of there with a new lease on life. Everything that was horrible had shifted and I once again found the hope that I normally have. Anxiety was gone for the most part. Depression had lifted. Back pain was gone. The suicide struggle was almost nonexistent and fading away quickly.

For the first time after that, I felt like eating and I could actually taste the food. While in Miami, I went to a park by Biscayne Bay and just waded in the water, taking in all that was around me.

My eyes watered so badly for the next couple of days and Dr. Canali explained to me on the phone that it was just my brain releasing through tears that I struggled to shed. The sadness lately was so overwhelming that my tears were dry. It only made my eyes sting and burn until after this session.

The Memories That Came Up Made My Suicide Struggle Seem All Too Real.

The memories that came up were difficult. They run deep and as much as I wish they would be gone forever, I realize that they will be there and impact me when triggered. Thankfully Dr. Canali was there for me and could help me. The alternative options were almost gone.

Now I am doing so much better and able to focus on my day. Life looks so much better than it did. These triggers are hard and I write/share it because this is Suicide Prevention Month. I know others out there struggle with some of these same things.

Support Others In Their Suicide Struggle

Unfortunately, the resources to help are not always enough and sometimes the lies of depression and anxiety make it difficult to see there is hope. If you know of anyone struggling, stand there with them and hold their hand until they can find their way forward. It is a dark and lonely place when you go through this. Having support means the world even if it is next to impossible to feel it or receive it.

Additional Resources