Admit It – Do You Hurt The Ones You Love?


Admit It – Do You Hurt The Ones You Love?

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Do you hurt the ones you love?

Growing up, I had a family that was anything but kind and respectful to one another. These days, especially with the stress of the pandemic, I see the same thing playing out in people. People hurt the ones they claim they love the most!

It really is sad, and I don’t understand why people behave this way. Maybe I do it too and don’t realize it, but I try my hardest not to take my shit out on others. Apparently there are many that say they don’t do this, but they do.

In My Family It Was Normal

In my family, it was normal to hurt the ones you love. Growing up, you could be shitty to one another, mean or disrespectful, and it was all okay. No one seemed to put the brakes on this behavior in my family. It still happens to this day.

Of course, they would always claim as a badge of honor that you hurt the ones you love. So if you felt hurt, then you were loved. How mixed up crazy is that?

Even if you were just trying to help someone, they would lash out at you.

I remember one time when I was in college, my dad and brother were taking care of the sheep. I couldn’t be at home all the time to do it. I know neither of them really loved the sheep, but at least they were helping me, I appreciated them so much for doing this.

I was the one that did books and kept track of the finances. When we sold lambs, I calculated how much money came in, minus the expenses, and then divided it according to the number of sheep each person owned. However, in this case, since they were doing more of the work, I took the expenses out of my share of what was earned.

Somehow my dad thought I was cheating him and my brother. I was shaken and gut punched by his assertion. In my life, I try my hardest to be honest in everything I do and he knew that. For him to accuse me of something I didn’t do was horrifying.

Of course that started the silent treatment and the disrespectful treatment toward me, even though I had done something nice for them. I tried to explain what I did, but he didn’t want to spend a moment listening to me. The way I got treated was horrible.

You Hurt The Ones You Love

Friends And My Book

Lately, I’ve had issues with a friend. They led me on about reading my book as if it was something they wanted to do. It has now been out more than a year and they never read it. I asked if it would be easier for me to send a copy to them and they said sure. I mailed a free copy to them. Finally, after some time, I was told they were busy or some excuse after another. Then they finally told me that they didn’t want to read more about my story since they knew about it already.

Keep in mind that not all of my book is about my story. Yes, it uses the story to help tell what I learned through my journey. In fact, I told them they could skip those two chapters and it wouldn’t impact their experience. There was silence. I got shoved off and basically was given the silent treatment.

To me, it probably had more to do with other issues of things I discussed in the book they didn’t want to hear. I doubt they are aware of the connection and I’m fine if they don’t agree, but the way I was treated was horrendous. Once again, from this friend’s example, it seems you hurt the ones you love the most.

Friends Posting Triggering Hunting Images

Another person thought they needed to post all kinds of images of them killing animals. I have no desire to see it and asked if they could keep me out of those distirubution emails. Nope, I was told to basically get lost. The meanness of the responses and how they treated me left me blindsided. This was someone I’ve known and have been through so much with in life. It only got worse from that point until I literally had to block them. Once again this friend showed me that you hurt the ones you love the most.

Healing New Age Know-It-Alls

Other people that I thought were there for me in a healing capacity started pushing a belief set on me and when I didn’t take the bait, they got belligerent. They thought that what they said was what i should do and I disagreed. I struggled to articulate my reasons but it fell on ears that did not want to listen.

The next thing I know, I was given the silent treatment. Months later, they left a voicemail for me acting as if we were long lost friends. I declined to call them back because if you can’t treat me with respect, then what’s the point of talking? If you show me that you hurt the ones you love the most, then why do I want a relationship with someone like that?

Family And Relatives

Family and relatives are another part of this. I just get shut out. No matter how hard I tried to stay in touch, it was again the silent treatment. Maybe it is because we don’t share the same political beliefs or religious beliefs. Who knows?

Maybe it is because I’m gay and they want nothing to do with me although they say they do to my face. It is hard to know what happened, but living close to some, they treat me like I don’t exist. Just like in my own immediate family experiences growing up, you hurt the ones you love.

Other Close Friends

Another close friend I had who I talked to every day just up and dumped me. I tried to keep communication going, but I guess I was no longer their cup of tea. Maybe I didn’t fit their ideal image of a friend or something. I was always there trying to support them, but obviously like so many others, it became a one way street.

One individual, after my precious cat of 12 years died, replied to me, “you must be having a bad week!” Really, a bad week? My precious beloved cat companion died. In amongst other things going on, this was a difficult time and yet, it was downplayed. Then this person sent me some religious stuff that meant absolutely nothing and basically told me to get over it.

Why Do People Treat Others Like This?

Why do people treat others like this? If you hurt the ones you love the most, are you really human?

I could give example after example. In these stressful days, it has become the norm in our society. I see it everywhere.

People that I once chatted with, now ignore me. People that were once my close friends, are absent.

Even these days among people everywhere, it just seems like they can only treat others disrespectfully. It is as though everyone is ready to fight and take their shit out on other people.

It boggles my mind. I don’t understand it. What did I do to deserve this? Why is our civilization treating each other with so much hate while proclaiming they love Jesus or they some enlightened individual with all the right answers?

There’s so many ways I see this and I’m beginning to lose hope that this world can survive. If we treat ourselves in the way we are in this moment, hope may not be enough.

All my life people dumped on me with their problems and issues. I’ve taken a lot of it over the years, but maybe I’m at the point of saying enough is enough. After all, I have my own stuff to deal with in a day. It isn’t easy for me either.

I’m Letting Go Of These People

Slowly, I’m letting go of these people, but it leaves me wondering what is next for me. Maybe I need to get some imaginary friends.

I just don’t understand how you can hurt the ones you love. Is it really love? While many proclaim it is, I highly doubt it.

Social media has become an annoyance of people playing games or screaming constantly. I want nothing to do with the fake platforms of communication. Sorry, but an emoji or a like just doesn’t mean much to me. If it does to you, then by all means keep it up. I’d rather have real conversations and real people.

Honestly, this is probably more of a venting post to me and I’m not looking for anyone to fix me. Unfortunately some will probably assume that and try, even though they can’t fix themselves. That is part of the problem in this world is that everyone wants to fix everyone but themselves.

Each person really needs to ask themselves the question, “Do you hurt the ones you love the most?”

Clearing The Dead Weight

Maybe life is getting ready for something better to come my way and it is time for me to let go of the dead weight that must be holding me down. I hate to say that because it sounds awful, but if my efforts only go one direction, then people I know have become an anchor holding me close to shore.

It isn’t the first time my life has started over and maybe it is where things are. I’m sure glad I have my husband who understands and is experiencing some of the same things. I’m glad I have my cats because I don’t have to guess if they love or care about me. It is something I can depend on these days.

If You Care, Then Show It

People really need to wake up and start treating others with respect. If you care about someone, then show it. If someone is a friend, then treat them like they are. Taking them for granted or ignoring them is about the worst form of disrespect I can think of.

If this blog posts upsets you, I’m sorry, but in some ways I’m not. Maybe your backside needs to be kicked hard because you’re most likely doing this to others. Maybe you are so unconscious you don’t see that you are, but I’m sure there are ones in your life that would back me up.

We can all do better and if this is all we can do during stressful times, how do we expect the world to make it? No, it isn’t everyone else out there that is causing the problem. It is each one of us. Either you as an individual are part of the solution or you are part of the problem.

The more we look at others ‘ actions, the less we become aware of our own. The less unconscious we are, even if we act like we are high and mighty and the most conscious person alive.

Words And Talk Are Cheap

Words and talk are cheap, but actions are far more valuable. It is action that backs up the words and talk. If we truly mean something, we’ll show it, not say that we do.

Maybe for people in this world that are cold hearted and not sensitive, behavior like what I’m seeing is normal. For those of us who are sensitive and see the other side of it, it is shell shocking.

If we want to make it as a civilization, we need to find a different way to approach life and people we say we care about, because we’re failing at it right now. We’re making it more difficult in this time of challenges and stress. We are making it more difficult than it needs to be. It is time to wake up.

If you want to change the world, you need to change your behavior. When you hurt the ones you love, you’re adding to the issues in this world. While you may think it doesn’t impact it, multiply that times millions and it will give you a different perspective.

I’ll leave you with the question one last time. Do you hurt the ones you love the most? If you say no, are you being completely honest or is your ego dictating your response?

Hurting the ones you love the most is not a good philosophy to follow in life.

Photo by Aliyah Jamous on Unsplash